This is My Story
January 18, 2013
It was Friday. My two granddaughters, Belle, 2, and Kitty, 8 months, came to grandma & grandpa's house on Mondays and Fridays while their mom was at work. That particular day, my daughter, Mandy, asked if we could drop off the girls at her workplace rather than coming back to get them. So at 2:15 p.m., I kissed them goodbye and grandpa drove off to deliver them – it took an hour off of my babysitting duty and the weekend started early.
Yay for me.
It was Friday. My two granddaughters, Belle, 2, and Kitty, 8 months, came to grandma & grandpa's house on Mondays and Fridays while their mom was at work. That particular day, my daughter, Mandy, asked if we could drop off the girls at her workplace rather than coming back to get them. So at 2:15 p.m., I kissed them goodbye and grandpa drove off to deliver them – it took an hour off of my babysitting duty and the weekend started early.
Yay for me.
My husband Marty, worked rotating shifts – that night, he started at 6:00 p.m. We had dinner with our younger daughter, Em, and at 5:40 p.m., he left for his 12-hour night … or so we thought. Ten minutes after Marty went out the door, the phone rang. It was Mandy. She asked – very calmly – that we come to the hospital. When I asked what happened, she answered, “Mom, just come.”
Mandy and her family do not live nearby. They have a home with lake access west of the Twin Cities – nearly an hour away - the hospital is a good 45 minute drive. Em said she would come along and we could take her car. We assumed something was wrong with my son-in-law and that Mandy needed help watching the girls. After all, she had called – we knew she was OK - and her husband had a 'heart scare' a few months before. On the ride to the hospital, Em and I had plenty of time to jokingly complain about giving up our Friday night to drive across town to babysit.
When we got to the ER, there was a sheriff''s rescue boat in the parking lot. I distinctly remember telling Em that I did not like the look of that boat. We checked in at the desk and the receptionist went to the back and returned with the hospital chaplain. “They want you to go in with Belle. Dad is talking to the sheriff, mom is being looked at and they are still working on Kitty. ” Working on Kitty? What does that mean? Out it came… “What happened? Was there an accident?” At that point, I realized the waiting area was full – not an empty chair in the place. The chaplain said, “Come with me” and took us into the hallway of the ER. He said that the car had gone off the road and into the lake. They needed us to stay with Belle. I could hear her crying. Mandy came out of a room. I asked, “Was he driving too fast again and missed a curve?” “No, it was the ice.”
Mandy and her family do not live nearby. They have a home with lake access west of the Twin Cities – nearly an hour away - the hospital is a good 45 minute drive. Em said she would come along and we could take her car. We assumed something was wrong with my son-in-law and that Mandy needed help watching the girls. After all, she had called – we knew she was OK - and her husband had a 'heart scare' a few months before. On the ride to the hospital, Em and I had plenty of time to jokingly complain about giving up our Friday night to drive across town to babysit.
When we got to the ER, there was a sheriff''s rescue boat in the parking lot. I distinctly remember telling Em that I did not like the look of that boat. We checked in at the desk and the receptionist went to the back and returned with the hospital chaplain. “They want you to go in with Belle. Dad is talking to the sheriff, mom is being looked at and they are still working on Kitty. ” Working on Kitty? What does that mean? Out it came… “What happened? Was there an accident?” At that point, I realized the waiting area was full – not an empty chair in the place. The chaplain said, “Come with me” and took us into the hallway of the ER. He said that the car had gone off the road and into the lake. They needed us to stay with Belle. I could hear her crying. Mandy came out of a room. I asked, “Was he driving too fast again and missed a curve?” “No, it was the ice.”
There was a nurse trying to calm Belle. She had coloring books, a stuffed teddy bear, anything and everything she could possibly think of to settle this screaming 2-year-old. I scooped up Belle and held her and rocked her until she fell asleep. I could see scrapes up and down her back. She was in a hospital gown and wasn't wearing a diaper. Why haven't they put some kind of medicine on these scrapes? Can't they find a diaper for her? What the heck??
By this time, it had to be 8:00 p.m. I'd lost track of time. Calls went to my son and his wife and to Marty at work to tell them what was happening. Then, Mandy came to tell us that Kitty was being airlifted to Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. Mandy was not able to go in the helicopter, so Em was going to drive. You're leaving me here with Belle, her dad and no car? Em had driven us here and Mandy's car is in the lake. Marty needs to come. |
It's hard to imagine the long drive he had to get to us. First, he had to get someone in to work the rest of the shift. Next, he had to go home because Belle's car seat was in my car and we needed it. Hers was, yes, in the lake. And then he could leave on that 45 minute trek to the hospital ... knowing what was happening. At least I had been oblivious.
One of the nurses came into Belle's room and handed me a plastic, hospital belongings bag. “Here are her clothes.” I peeked inside, assuming they were Belle's clothes. Instead, I saw what Kitty had been wearing that day, a pale pink, hooded sweatsuit with brown monkey appliques on the front of the jacket. The little pink outfit was soaking wet. I don't know how long I stared into that bag. This was my moment of realization.
While we waited for Belle and dad to be released, the 9:00 p.m news had video of Mandy's car in the water and a brief story of the unidentified family of four who had been driving on the ice when their car broke through. I thought they went off the road – that's what the chaplain said. By the time the 10:00 p.m. news came on, dad was released and sat watching, holding his sleeping daughter, glazed over, no reaction, not talking.
One of the nurses came into Belle's room and handed me a plastic, hospital belongings bag. “Here are her clothes.” I peeked inside, assuming they were Belle's clothes. Instead, I saw what Kitty had been wearing that day, a pale pink, hooded sweatsuit with brown monkey appliques on the front of the jacket. The little pink outfit was soaking wet. I don't know how long I stared into that bag. This was my moment of realization.
While we waited for Belle and dad to be released, the 9:00 p.m news had video of Mandy's car in the water and a brief story of the unidentified family of four who had been driving on the ice when their car broke through. I thought they went off the road – that's what the chaplain said. By the time the 10:00 p.m. news came on, dad was released and sat watching, holding his sleeping daughter, glazed over, no reaction, not talking.
The doctor came in to check Belle, her screaming started all over again, she STILL did not have a diaper or medicine on her scrapes and they wanted a urine sample. Impossible. Finally, an agreement was reached that she would be released if she could come back the next day to be checked. Whatever. We all just wanted to get out of there so we could get to Mandy and Kitty.
It was after midnight by the time we got to Children's Hospital. Marty dropped off son-in-law and me at the ER entrance and he took Belle to our house. Em and I didn't stay long. It was obvious that Mandy wanted us to leave. She seemed angry – like she wanted or needed to say things for her husband's ears only. I have never seen my daughter like this. |
January 19, 2013
On Saturday morning the family decided we would take turns at the hospital so we could all spend some time with Kitty and Mandy – except for me. I planned to spend the entire day. My son and his wife brought their three children to our house to play with Belle. Mandy's best friend came to help. The adults rotated hospital and babysitting stints.
The doctors decided to intentionally keep Kitty's body cold until Sunday night into Monday morning, when they would begin a long warming procedure. Her heartbeat returned and there was a small glimmer of hope. Two neurologists attended - one wasn't ready to give up. The other was not optimistic at all. He kept using the phrase “grave situation”. Two nurses were constantly at Kitty's bedside, keeping watch on the tubes, monitors and other equipment that surrounded the elevated hospital bed. They asked me to bring pictures of her so they could see how she normally looked. The nurses told me they wanted her to be their 'miracle baby'.
On Saturday morning the family decided we would take turns at the hospital so we could all spend some time with Kitty and Mandy – except for me. I planned to spend the entire day. My son and his wife brought their three children to our house to play with Belle. Mandy's best friend came to help. The adults rotated hospital and babysitting stints.
The doctors decided to intentionally keep Kitty's body cold until Sunday night into Monday morning, when they would begin a long warming procedure. Her heartbeat returned and there was a small glimmer of hope. Two neurologists attended - one wasn't ready to give up. The other was not optimistic at all. He kept using the phrase “grave situation”. Two nurses were constantly at Kitty's bedside, keeping watch on the tubes, monitors and other equipment that surrounded the elevated hospital bed. They asked me to bring pictures of her so they could see how she normally looked. The nurses told me they wanted her to be their 'miracle baby'.
Our former pastor, who also presided at Mandy and son-in-law's wedding, came
to confirm Kitty.
Mandy asked for Belle to come stay at the hospital. A room in Ronald McDonald house had been reserved for them and the hospital granted a “compassionate exception” for Belle to visit her baby sister in the PICU.
It was Saturday and Kitty's condition wasn't going to change before Sunday night/Monday morning. This was our one night to sleep, in preparation for our Sunday night vigil.
January 20, 2013
The wait began at about 7:00 p.m. Sunday evening. Mandy, son-in-law, Marty, Em and I were all there. Belle slept in the room in Ronald McDonald House with her mom, dad and Auntie Em alternating between the room, the PICU and the waiting area. The warming process – and constant prayers – started. One of us was always in the room with Kitty. I happened to be with her between 2:00 – 2:30 a.m. and noticed that one of the images of a graph on a monitor screen became really small – it was hard to see the lines going up and down on the chart. The nurses told me that someone was probably looking at it remotely.
By my calculations, the warming procedure … the one that would determine whether or not Kitty lived … would go until at least 10:00 a.m. and possibly into the afternoon. I tried to sleep in the waiting area. Fat chance.
The wait began at about 7:00 p.m. Sunday evening. Mandy, son-in-law, Marty, Em and I were all there. Belle slept in the room in Ronald McDonald House with her mom, dad and Auntie Em alternating between the room, the PICU and the waiting area. The warming process – and constant prayers – started. One of us was always in the room with Kitty. I happened to be with her between 2:00 – 2:30 a.m. and noticed that one of the images of a graph on a monitor screen became really small – it was hard to see the lines going up and down on the chart. The nurses told me that someone was probably looking at it remotely.
By my calculations, the warming procedure … the one that would determine whether or not Kitty lived … would go until at least 10:00 a.m. and possibly into the afternoon. I tried to sleep in the waiting area. Fat chance.
January 21, 2013
At about 7:00 a.m., the neurologists spoke to Mandy and son-in-law. Kitty was brain dead with no possibility of recovery. She had officially died – at 2:21 a.m. - the same time that monitor screen was so tiny. Wait a minute … they said this was going to take longer. Shouldn't we have more time? Please, give her more time.
Family was called to gather. Our former pastor returned for prayers. Photos were taken. Hand prints made. We saw Kitty one last time. Then the machines were shut off.
Kitty was gone and this grandparent began her grief journey.
At about 7:00 a.m., the neurologists spoke to Mandy and son-in-law. Kitty was brain dead with no possibility of recovery. She had officially died – at 2:21 a.m. - the same time that monitor screen was so tiny. Wait a minute … they said this was going to take longer. Shouldn't we have more time? Please, give her more time.
Family was called to gather. Our former pastor returned for prayers. Photos were taken. Hand prints made. We saw Kitty one last time. Then the machines were shut off.
Kitty was gone and this grandparent began her grief journey.