When You Lost Your Grandchild, Did You Lose Hope?

For 27 years, Patty and Jerry Wetterling held on to hope.  They never gave up on the hope that their son, Jacob, would come home.  Hope sustained them and kept them moving forward, kept them vigilantly working to protect children around the globe.  May God watch over and bless the Wetterlings as they begin their extremely painful and endless grief journey.  May hope once again find a place in their hearts.

My sister-in-law died early Saturday morning.  She suffered from MS for many years, living her adult life in a motorized wheelchair.  On Saturday evening, family gathered to spend time with my brother-in-law, Mike, my husband's youngest brother.  As I spoke with him, Mike said that he never thought he would get another dog.  Now that his son has moved out of the house, his wife is gone and he is alone, he's thinking about a puppy.  Thanks be to God for planting a seed of hope, a thought for the future, in my brother-in-law so very early on his grief path.

During one of my early sessions as a 'Growing Through Loss' facilitator, there happened to be a more-than-typical number of grandparents in the 'loss of child' group.  Not yet a seasoned group leader, I was a bit taken back when a participant talked about finding peace and hope and one of the grandmothers blurted out, 'What is there to hope for?' 

It's an honest question that, I'm sure, most of us struggle with after losing a grandchild.  The future for that baby-child-teen-young adult has ended.  Our hopes for their accomplishments and dreams dies with them.  I have to believe that the hopelessness is even more profound if the loss is that of an only grandchild.  This precious, much-too-short life has ended.  We will never celebrate milestones of weddings, graduations, birthday parties, first steps. 

If we, as grandparents lose hope, then what of our child?  I cannot come close to knowing the depth of Mandy or son-in-law's hopelessness.  The Wetterlings are heavy on my heart.  After 27 years filled with nothing but hope for Jacob's return, I try to imagine the pain of their loss ... will they still leave the porch light on?  Or will it now be turned off?

Indeed, what is there to hope for?

Merriam-Webster defines hope as 'to cherish a desire with anticipation; to desire with expectation of obtainment; to expect with confidence'.   I think it means that when we have hope, we have something to which we eagerly look forward.  It may take effort, perhaps it stems from inspiration, but we know it is possible.  To continually rediscover and to grow in hope continues to be my desire, yes, my hope!

Throughout my grief journey, many opportunities have graced my path.  Serving meals to families at Ronald McDonald House makes me hope that I'm making even a small difference to families with seriously ill children.  Monetary donations provide hope that I'm contributing to research-finding cures or needed medical supplies.  Volunteering with 'Growing Through Loss'  gives me the hope that I'm helping people work through their grief - as well as my own. 

Today marks the six month anniversary of  this blog - my greatest expression of hope.  My writing stems from deep, honest introspection with the goal of publishing a post that is helpful to those of you who read along.  Not all blog articles will relate to everyone, but my intention is that there be a post, a paragraph, even a sentence here and there that - put simply - makes you feel better. 

My prayers today are for: Patty and Jerry Wetterling, that in their grief, they remain steadfast - may they be able to hold on to the hope they need to carry on personally and in their work of advocating for children;  for my brother-in-law, that he starts with the inkling of getting a dog and then realizes that there is a greater hope of him growing his plans for the future while mourning his wife;  for the hopeless grandmother in my small group that she has come to rediscover hope;  and for all bereaved grandparents, that as time fades, hope brightens.

Finally, I pray for continued inspiration for this blog, that through my words, you may find a kindred spirit, a comforting thought, an idea to help you move forward and ... possibly ... a glimmer of hope.

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