Twinkle, Twinkle ... How I Wonder

Thirteen years ago - in the early morning - my third grandchild died.  Kitty was a special baby, full of spunk and determination --- she simply didn't have enough strength to fight her way back to us.  Thirteen years.  It seems like a long time, and yet, not.  As clear as if it was yesterday, I see her lying under the Christmas tree, trying to pull those shiny ornaments down so she could try to taste them!

Often, I try to imagine how her personality would have developed ... where her interests would lie ... is she more like mom or dad, what are her relationships like with her siblings. Would I still call her Kitty or do I use her given name now ... or a maybe different nickname?  I'll never know.  It's difficult for me not to know, to always imagine.  Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder who you are.

Kitty's siblings are all very social, responsible and trustworthy, comfortable stating their opinions, thoughts and ideas respectfully and with a level of maturity beyond their young ages. I can't help but believe she would be the same - if not even more - secure and confident in herself. But maybe a little less serious and funnier!

Within the past year, Belle, Beanie and Bash have all been more forthright about Kitty and what happened to their family 13 years ago. Belle, now 15, publicly references missing "the sister who was taken from" her. At lunch with a friend from baseball, Bash told his buddy about his sister who ... you know ... is "up there" as he lifted his little blond head upwards.  I haven't heard Beanie make reference yet, but I know there have been healthy discussions at home and friends are aware.  There's no secrets, no pretending, no sugar-coating.  It's all open, honest and real.  And our family's story - Kitty's death - will always be relevant.

Recently, son-in-law was at a social event where a man he didn't know shared his story of sobriety, mentioning that he stopped drinking after he heard a talk that touched him to his core.  It was a presentation from a man whose 9-month-old baby died because of a bad decision he made while under the influence. 

That speech changed this guy's life, potentially saving the lives of his own children. 

That speaker was son-in-law. 
He introduced himself to this man, "that was me."
Kitty's story continues to make an impact and I'm grateful that after 13 years. the feedback continues. 

Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky, watching over our family and beyond.

On this 13th anniversary of our loss, there is much to imagine, to envision, to wonder. And there is much of which to be certain.  My granddaughter's short life and her tragic death was meaningful.  It positively impacted the life of her siblings; it made our family stronger; it changed lives of many who heard and continue to hear her story. 

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

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