Three People Spoke Words That Helped - Part 1

There were three people who said helpful things to me when Kitty died.

The first was my dear friend from church, Rita.  We've known one another for more than 30 years and she is the one person I actually believe when she speaks and to whom I listen.  We don't always agree, but I have much respect for both her and for her ideas and opinions.  A few years ago, after a funeral at our church,  she made a comment that stuck with me: "Death is a part of life."  What a simple statement, yet every once in awhile I think on it for awhile and always end up with the same conclusion:  It sure is.  Death is everyone's reality.

My daughter asked Rita to read at Kitty's funeral, so in the days leading up to the service, I spoke with Rita a couple of times.  There was one thing she told me that I was most grateful to hear and I appreciated beyond anything else.  It was not profound ... not full of wisdom ... not anything meant to relieve my sorrow.  It was this:  'If I call and you see on the caller ID that it's me, you don't have to answer the phone.  If you don't feel like talking, I understand, but I want you to know that I am thinking of you."

Exactly what I needed.  And, you know what?  Every time she called, I did pick up the phone.  But, I knew it would be OK if I didn't.  The reassurance in knowing that it was an option for me to not talk was such a revelation!  There were other friends who would call in the days and weeks that followed and I applied Rita's comment to all of them.  No close friends were lost in the process. 

Sometimes, you need to come first. You just have to do what is going to help you get through those  tough days.  Don't feel like being on your phone?   Turn it off or don't answer.  Or go ahead, pick it up and let it all out.  You own the right to make the choice - knowing that someone cares about you whether you want to talk or not.