The Lazarus Story and My Granddaughter's Death: What If Jesus Had Been There?

The gospel story at church this past weekend reminded me of all of the 'if onlys' and 'what ifs' that surrounded the death of my granddaughter.  'What if we'd just kept the girls for a sleepover that night' ... 'if only they had eaten dinner at home' ... 'what if the car seat latch wasn't defective' ... 'if only son-in-law had gotten her out of the car right away ... 'what if she had lived?

'If only God had been there.'

​Sitting in the pew on Sunday, I heard John's gospel story of Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha, whom Jesus loved.  Lazarus was ill and Jesus chose not to save him because "This illness is not to end in death, but is for the glory of God, that the son of God may be glorified through it."  Mary and Martha sent for Jesus, who waited before returning to Judea.  When he arrived, Lazarus had been dead for four days.  Both women said to him, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.'   This annoyed Jesus, so to strengthen their faith and to prove his might, Jesus had the tomb opened and Lazarus was raised.

​As we all know, Jesus isn't walking this earth with us in 2018 and he certainly wasn't here in 2013 when Kitty died.  If he had been, just like Mary and Martha, we would have summoned him to save her.  We, too, would have faltered in our faith and perturbed Jesus with our doubt - and, yes, even selfishness - in the hope of keeping her physically with us in this life. 

No, ​Jesus isn't in our midst.  That means I have to firmly believe - in God, in Jesus, His son, in the resurrection and in the promise of eternal life.  I have to intrinsically know that the day will come when I will be reunited with my granddaughter and all those whom I love who have died.

​'What ifs' and 'if onlys' are, very simply put, a waste of time and energy.  Thinking about what 'could be' is emotionally draining.  I let go of all that a long time ago.  The possibilities of what might have been and what life would be like with Kitty are unrealistic, endless and quite truthfully, pointless.  It is better for me to accept what IS, to adapt to the reality of life without her, to work on deepening my faith and to do uplifting, inspiring work.

​Kitty died on January 21, 2013. 
Indeed, what if Jesus - what if God - had been there?

​I believe He was.  He is always with us.  He has a plan for us.  My little Kitty Rose was a gift from God to our family, given to mend our brokenness, to give us hope and to strengthen our faith ... to know that one day we will be with her again, in the presence of God.

“Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in springtime.”    - Martin Luther

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