The 6th Anniversary of Kitty's Death: It Never Gets Easier

Today marks the sixth anniversary of the accident that caused Kitty's death.  It has been at the forefront of my thoughts since the start of the new year.  This is the first time that the days of the week coincide with that dreadful week six years ago.  At this time, on Friday, January 18, 2013, I was on my way to the hospital in Waconia.  Beginning right now and over the next week, I will recall and relive every moment with no less pain.

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Friday, January 18:  it started with the phone call.  At 5:5o p.m., my caller ID showed there was a call from Ridgeview Medical Center.  When I answered, Mandy said in a steady and surprisingly very calm voice, " … come to the hospital in Waconia … just come."  It was an hour-long drive and I was grateful for the company of my younger daughter, Em.  We had no idea what was waiting for us when we got there.  The airlift of Kitty to Children's Hospital in Minneapolis … Em having to drive her hysterical sister because there was no room in the helicopter for Mandy to get to Children's … waiting for my husband to come with a car seat and a car!!! … waiting and waiting for Belle and son-in-law to be released …  stopping to get clothes for the family … arriving at Children's after midnight … chaplains … tears …  Mandy telling that we could "go home now."  I remember it all.

Saturday, January 19:  Immediate family gathered at my house to devise a plan.  Who would watch the little ones while others went to spend time with Kitty and with Mandy? ... A  room was available at the Ronald McDonald House located on the third floor at Children's and the hospital granted a 'compassionate exception' for Belle in order for the family to be together... Kitty was attached to so many machines that she was not recognizable.  The nurses asked for a photo of her to hang in the room - they wanted to see her 'normal' little face … There was a most welcomed visit from our former pastor to confirm Kitty … We got a slight reprieve that night knowing that her condition would not change before Sunday night/Monday morning … I slept on Saturday night.

​Sunday, January 20:  We waited with hope and trepidation … We all spent as much time with Kitty as possible … The 'warming process' was scheduled to begin at about 10:00 p.m.  and as that time drew nearer, we all got more anxious … I tried to sleep in the waiting area, but could not … Pray, pray, pray.

Monday, January 21:  At 7:00 a.m., the neurologists spoke with Mandy and son-in-law.  Kitty was brain dead.  The process did not work … Family gathered … Our former pastor returned for prayers … Kitty was "cleaned up" so we could all see her … And then, with only her parents present, she was taken off life support and placed in their arms for the last time … We left Children's at 3:30 p.m. … Family caravanned to our home … extended family was called and came to share in our early hours of grief … I was so emotionally and physically exhausted  that I just wanted them all to leave.

Tuesday, January 22:  Mandy, Belle and son-in-law decided to stay with us that week.  There was much do.  While they went to make necessary arrangements at the church and funeral home, I was entrusted with the photo boards … En route to the local craft store, Em and I stopped at a florist for special floral arrangements … Visitors bearing gifts of food and friendship greeted us back at home … The guys needed suits … Son-in-law needed cash.  It's hard to come by when you have no ID, checkbook, credit or debit card! … I wanted a locket and made a mental note to get one for myself.

Wednesday, January 23:  Em's workplace generously offered to trim Mandy and Belle's hair and do our nails for the services … The photo boards needed to get done.  We print, cut and arranged pictures, then glued everything down - all under Mandy's supervision and with son-in-law's permission to use certain photos … Small photos of Kitty were sized down to place in the three heart-shaped lockets that my husband bought for Mandy, Em and me the day before, without me knowing … Son-in-law requested a small photo be placed in a special key chain he carries … Clothes needed to be dug out of the closet and pressed … It was another 'get ready' and 'keep ourselves busy' kind of day.   

Thursday, January 24:  The day of the visitation.  I vividly remember how kind the staff at the funeral home was to our family, to the point of going to the store to buy nylons for Mandy when they noticed a run in her stockings … There were so many flowers.  "They just keep coming," one of the employees said to me … Hundreds of people came to pay their respects - friends, co-workers and neighbors, as well as family.  It was heart-warming … Most of the men shied away from Kitty's little casket.  Before anyone arrived, Mandy and I took pictures of it.

Friday, January 25:  Kitty's funeral.  Flower deliveries continued … A second former pastor came to concelebrate the Mass … The staff of the church stationed someone at the door "to keep anyone out who is not welcome" …  To everyone's surprise, Mandy gave the eulogy - without falling to pieces ... We sang "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and everyone sitting in the pews cried … At the cemetery, it was brutally cold and windy … I hated leaving Kitty there alone.  It was final.

This week, I will relive the events of six years ago on the same weekdays as they occurred in 2013.  Just as I felt then, I'm sure that on this coming Monday, I will want to be alone.  I will want to remember by myself.  Reflecting on Kitty's death, the memories of that week - and the months and years that have followed -  and how we all have been changed is my focus for the next seven days.

Please keep Mandy, my family and me in your prayers.

​Today marks the sixth anniversary of the accident that caused Kitty's death.  It has been at the forefront of my thoughts since the start of the new year.  This is the first time that the days of the week coincide with that dreadful week six years ago.  At this time, on Friday, January 18, 2013, I was on my way to the hospital in Waconia.  Beginning right now and over the next week, I will recall and relive every moment with no less pain.