Sheltered in Place, Grateful for Time

"Social Distancing".  "Shelter-in-Place". "Stay home."  This is our reality as we start the spring season.  We've survived the long, cold winter months and are now ready to break out of our homes, get out and about with neighbors, friends and family, but we cannot, should not.  We are threatened as COVID-19 spreads across our country and across the globe.  Repercussions from the risk of socializing are not worth the cost.  

These are difficult days. ​

We are so used to our active lifestyles and over-booked appointment calendars that we barely know what to do with ourselves.  But I am not complaining.  I decided early on, when my meetings were cancelled and baby-sitting duties postponed, when I started keeping the recommended six feet away from others, that I wanted to make the most of the situation.  I want to use my stay-at-home time to dig into closets and drawers, to organize papers into folders and binders, to catch up on projects I've put off for far too long.

First on my list was (and still is) my craft room.  Cluttered after selling my handmade goods at a fundraiser a few weeks back, I needed to stack bins to make space for my Easter decorations and egg hunt goodies.  As I rearranged boxes and containers, stashed ribbons into drawers and lined spools of tulle into drawers, I ran across two large plastic bags.  Inside were two sparkly pink scrapbooks, tablets of paper with pastel prints and stickers in shades of pinks and purples that say, "Baby Girl", "Precious", "Too cute".  There was also a small stack of pictures of Belle as a baby and a mini album with photos from her baptism.

Mandy had given me those bags almost eight years ago - not long after Kitty was born.  I was asked to design a scrapbook for each of the girls … when I had time.

Eight years later, I have the time.

I know that I will not finish both books before my two youngest grandchildren return to my care or before meetings and responsibilities are back on the calendar.  I am hopeful, however, that I can finish Kitty's book before her birthday four weeks from now.  It will be my gift to Mandy in memory of Kitty.

A few days ago, I got started.  I pulled out my old hard drives and filtered through every picture I ever took of my granddaughter.  Next, I downloaded more than 300 photos from Mandy's Shutterfly account.  The selection process began.  How many do I need?  What sizes should I order?

Mandy has done something beautiful, not knowing how very precious pictures of Kitty would become.  Every day of her children's life, she takes a photo of them.  She captures images from special events and from ordinary happenings.  It doesn't matter whether the photo documents a milestone or a painted stone from a craft project.  Over the past few days - through Mandy's pictures - I have chronologically relived every day of Kitty's life.  I paused to gaze at pictures from the day she was born through the day that she died …. and even some from beyond.  I saw her roll over for the first time, watched her learn to drink from a cup, laughed as she lay under the Christmas tree to pull a branch down and chew on the soft fake needles.  I revisited those short 8 1/2 months that we were blessed to have her with us.

And I cried. 

I wondered how life would be if Kitty was alive.  What if the accident had never happened or if it had, what would her quality of like be like?  Which side of the family would she most resemble?  Would she be imaginative and creative like her little sister, the Dasher?  Or would she prefer to play softball like her big sister, Belle?  On and on it went - asking myself those nagging questions that haunt us after the death of a grandchild. 

Then, after I had my moment of mourning, I placed the photo order.  And, when the bright orange package arrives in my mailbox, I will arrange, cut, paste, add stickers and sayings.  I will create a keepsake to honor Kitty on her birthday. 

Eight years later, sheltered-in-place and staying at home, I am grateful to have the time.