Overwhelmed By Love

There is nothing more important in my life than spending time with my grandchildren and thanking God for the time he gives me with them.  It's the #1 realization I've had since Kitty died and the most true to my heart.

Over the past couple of weeks, however, had I been asked what was most important to me, that may not have been my answer. ​

​In total, there have been two, possibly three, days without seeing at least one, if not seven, of the the grands on the same day.  Many of the visits lasted full, 12-hour days.  My laundry piled up, the sink stacked high with dishes, the freshly mopped kitchen floor spattered with brownie crumbs and the cats, who have been in hiding for nearly 14 days, now demand playtime and constant attention.  I've been stressed, hustling between children and outside commitments.  My house has been cluttered, dirty and noisy.  Little time has been allowed to clean, shop, read, recoup or to write!

A few days ago, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, I reached the point of complaining ... aloud ... more than once.  Comments  ranged from the oft-heard 'you need to learn to say 'no'', to 'you're a good grandma'.  Even my husband admitted, though laughing, that we're often taken advantage of.  When someone asked why I take on the multiple babysitting requests, I honestly replied, 'Because of Kitty.  How can I say 'no'.'

I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Kitty's death makes me cherish my other little people more and more every day.  I am grateful they live within driving distance and aren't spread across the country, like many of my relatives' and friends'  grandchildren.  I understand that they will only need me for a limited number of years until they can care for themselves.  It warms my heart when they wrap their tiny arms around my neck, squeeze me tight and say 'I love you'.  I giggle with happiness when they cry because it's time to go home.  How can I say 'no' to that?

What I would give to have Kitty in the midst of all of the squealing laughter, racing through the overgrown backyard, scrunched in around my dining table, adding to the requests for more chocolate milk, pleading to play Barbie, color or go to the park.  Anything ... I would do or give anything for our little angel to be here with us. 

Yes, I have been overwhelmed by the mounting chores, the demands on my time, e-mails that need attention, the frustration of not having time for things I want to do, as well of those I have to get done. 

But, I remind myself that I have also been overwhelmed with love.

Eventually, my household tasks will get done and my standing commitments will be fulfilled, despite all of the chaos.  But, I would never be able to recover the time spent with my grands that I've had during the past couple of weeks. It included once-in-a-lifetime opportunities of spring programs and grandparents' days at school, lunches at their favorite places, walks to the lake to watch the fish, cuddling on the couch with our most loved cartoons, baking those messy brownies and playtime ... simple, yet precious moments of sharing and love.

I will never say 'no' to a reasonable request to spend a few hours with my grandchildren.  I will always imagine Kitty in the midst of them and the busyness they add to my life.  I am grateful to God and to Kitty for helping me understand, realize and accept that what can seem to be an abundance of frustration provided irreplaceable, necessary, appreciated and most welcomed and unconditional love.