On Fireflies and Validation: We are Wonderfully Made

At church last week, we sang Psalm 139, verse 14: 'I am Wonderfully Made'.  Our pastor followed up with a homily that delved into the message of the psalm, giving me not just the typical Sunday  explanation of the readings, but also reassuring validation of what Kitty's death means to me and to my family.

Within a month after Kitty died, I understood how incredibly special this baby was - that she came into our family with the purpose of mending us. It only took nine months for her to fulfill her life's mission, God's plan for her.

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That realization took away any anger and resentment I was feeling and I didn't need to ask myself any of the 'why' questions any longer.  I knew that Kitty was placed on this earth, with our family, to make us all stronger, more engaged, accepting, loving and compassionate people.  She has definitely achieved her purpose. 

Believe me, I would do most anything to have Kitty back, but because of her death, our family has much for which to be grateful. 

Son-in-law now has more than five years of sobriety.  His interaction with Belle, the Dasher and the Basher has a quality that was lacking before the accident.  He volunteers at the girls' school, coaches Belle's softball team and actually plays with his children.  He has become an active participant in his kids' lives.  Even though he was court ordered to speak 100 times about the accident that killed his daughter, son-in-law has spoken more than 200 times at meetings for DWI offenders, at drivers education classes, at both inpatient and outpatient treatment centers, in high schools and at grief support groups.  He has become a sought after speaker, using his pain and loss for the good of the community.  He started regularly attending church services and volunteers as a committee chair for the parish fall festival.  He found his faith. 

My daughter's family would still be suffering under the roof of alcoholism and none of this would be ... if not for Kitty and her death. 

Mandy, too, has found purpose after losing her baby.  She joined the bereavement advisory team at Children's Hospitals of Minnesota and helps plan events to help newly bereaved parents work through their grief.  The recent publication of her children's book provides a tool to help young children cope with the loss of a sibling.  She wrote this story to read to Belle after the accident and now hopes that her words will be useful to other families suffering the death of a child.  

As for me, I've found peace with son-in-law.  There wasn't much tolerance on my end before Kitty died.  Plain and simple: I did not like him.  I did not like how he treated Mandy and my grandchildren.  I did not like his behaviors and I really did not like his alcoholism.  

Yes, God works in mysterious ways … wonderful ways.

As I listened in church last Sunday, to Psalm 139 and then to my pastor, I heard the message loud and clear:  God made us all unique individuals, wonderfully made, not to be like anyone else.  Do not seek to be like others.  Be yourself.  God has a plan for each of us, though we may not understand it in the present, we will know it in the future.  

When I went to bed on Sunday night, I cracked open my curtains to see the night sky.  In the tree outside my window, I saw through the leaves a blinking light - an airplane maybe. No, it changed direction.  One bright light with tiny flashes floating in the treetop … aha … a single lightening bug, a firefly!  Validation.  Reassurance.  I was sent an important message that day and Kitty Rose let me know that I did, indeed, understand.