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I was so tired yesterday ... so very tired. But I didn't know why. This morning I realized it's because that doggone grief returned with a vengeance. A story was published in the Minneapolis Star Tribune on Sunday about Mandy, son-in-law, my grandchildren, their story of breaking through the ice on Lake Minnetonka and their life together five years after the accident. It was the front page story. No wonder I'm exhausted. I just relived the past five years in one weekend.  I knew it was coming. The reporter, Mary Lynn Smith, has been working on it since Mandy's book release party in January. She spent many hours over several meetings with son-in-law, as well as attending one of his speeches, researching the accident and talking to as many people as possible who were instrumental in the rescue and in son-in-law's attempt at atonement. I knew the publication was scheduled for this past Sunday, but I didn't anticipate how it would make me feel.
Photo by RENEE JONES SCHNEIDER • Star Tribune The article first appeared on the Star Tribune's Facebook page on Saturday evening. It wasn't the final version of the piece that came out in the print edition and I was worried because there were mentions I thought had been edited out and one small factual error of Kitty being confused with Belle. But by the time the story was officially on the newsstands, the online edition had been updated and all was factual. I have to admit, though, that first little cause of concern kept me awake for a few hours. I settled into my bed on Saturday night with many details of the January 2013 accident and Kitty's death fresh on my mind. The newspaper story did provide some information I hadn't heard before: a more complete description of how the two men pulled Mandy, Belle and son-in-law out of the icy water, how it was a matter of seconds before all of them would have drowned, and most gut-wrenching, in video format, son-in-law's description of the car going underwater, his efforts to save Kitty and the emotions and pain he lives with daily. Prior to this weekend, I had not heard this speech, which he has delivered more than 100 times. Waking early on Sunday morning, I was concerned about public reaction and potential comments and posts on social media. In 2013, most people were sympathetic and kind ... but not all. Would that happen again? Would my daughter and her family re-experience the cruelty and judgment similar to that of five years ago? I got up early to run to our corner drugstore to buy extra copies for family and friends who don't subscribe to the paper. Would there be any left? I revisited Facebook and checked e-mail. Praise, God, nothing negative has been said ... yet. It is always worrisome and, yes, quite possible. I am still tired. But it's better today. Yesterday, I didn't do much aside from snatching up those extra newspaper copies, sitting on the couch and reading the story and reactions to it. Today, I am writing and 'talking' about being emotionally and physically spent. That's the reality of grief. We have a string of good days and then it's triggered, sometimes biting sharply and fiercely, sometimes as an all-over aching, but always mentally painful and physically exhausting. Then we gradually start to feel better. I anticipate having more energy tomorrow. The spring series of my grief coalition begins and I will be surrounded by many others who will share their stories and who understand loss. I know I will be reenergized by their support so I can reciprocate and - hopefully - help others cope with their losses. Attached are links to the Minneapolis Star Tribune article and to a beautiful response from Minnesota Public Radio. Thank you to Mary Lynn Smith for her wonderful work in telling Mandy and son-in-law's story and to Rochelle Olson for keeping the vision for the piece alive. http://m.startribune.com/fatal-plunge-into-lake-minnetonka-forces-family-to-reckon-with-future/478399163/ https://blogs.mprnews.org/newscut/2018/04/when-for-better-or-worse-are-more-than-words/
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