My Heart Will Go On

My family and I are safely back on dry land.  No one plunged overboard, the ship didn't sink, motion sickness was minimal for the group and we were all able to enjoy our adventure.  There were even chuckles at the Dasher doing her best Kate Winslet imitation when one of the ship's captains led us to a secret spot at the very front of the boat.

The purpose of our vacation was to escape a week of stressful reminders of the details of Kitty's death.  On the past three anniversaries, we received cards and phone calls and saw news stories about the dangers of driving on ice-covered lakes that mentioned - and even flashed pictures - of our little Kitty Rose.  This year, Mandy and son-in-law wanted to remember their child privately, away from the snow, ice, telephone, social media and TV.

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As I wrote last time, I wasn't so sure the cruise was a good idea.  What thoughts and ideas would it conjure  up being in the middle of the Atlantic and on the Caribbean Sea with no land in sight?  Indeed, I was afraid, mostly for son-in-law, who has suffered such deep emotional pain after Kitty's drowning that he has expressed a desire to not move forward with his life.  I worried what he might do.  Praise God my fear belonged only to me and was for naught. 

On the sixth day of sailing, the fourth anniversary of the accident, we had an encounter that reassured me our choice of vacation was right ... meant to be ... a good decision ... perfect. 

Marty and I went to the buffet for lunch and it was crowded, as usual.  Before getting our plates, we searched for a place to sit and found two seats next to an elderly woman who was engrossed in a crossword puzzle.  I waited while Marty went to fill a plate.  The woman kept her head down, focused on the letters she wrote in the tiny squares.  Next was my turn to peruse the lunch selections and when I returned, Marty was eating as the woman continued to seek solutions to the clues in her puzzle, seemingly unaware of our presence.

Then, all of a sudden, she looked up and started talking.  She was calm and quiet with a pleasing southern drawl.  It was the first anniversary of her husband's death from a heart attack and six months since her daughter-in-law died of cancer.  She was traveling with her son to escape the stress of living everyday life with their grief.  Her doctor had advised her to get away and so this sweet southern woman named Louise crossed our path.  We could have run into her any other day, anywhere on the ship, but it happened to be the anniversary day of the car breaking through the ice.  Coincidence?

After Louise told us her story, Mandy appeared - we did not expect to see her in the dining room just then - and slid onto a chair next to us.  I introduced her to Louise and told Mandy that she was on the cruise for the same reason as our family.  They talked and as tears welled in their eyes, they comforted one another.  It was a very special moment ... an affirmation of sorts, that we were supposed to be on the boat, talking to Louise, on this specific day.  It was no coincidence. 

We never saw Louise again.  It was as if she appeared just for us when we needed someone else who understood our grief and was able to mourn with us ... such a blessing.

Since we've been home, I came across an ad for a bereavement cruise that may be of interest.  The description reads, "The Bereavement Cruise is a powerful transformational journey at sea honoring and celebrating the lives of our lost loved ones.  It is an opportunity to experience an inspiring continuation of healing that will be shared in a nurturing community of people who are or have been where you are in your grief journey-no matter how much time has passed.  Both cruises will provide an opportunity for our guests to better understand their grief journey, receive compassionate support and enhance their coping skills. Our workshops and activities will take place on the days that we are out to sea. Small group sessions will be available during the entire cruise. There will be plenty of time to relax, spend time with others, share meals with new friends and much more. Participants will also have time to explore off ship excursions. You choose how you spend your time with us."  Here's a link for more details:  https://thegrieftoolbox.com/products/learn-more-about-grieving-seminars-sea-bereavement-cruise#.WIzokH8wi_4

I am grateful for my vacation at sea, for the time spent with my daughter and grandchildren and for the opportunity to remember Kitty in a tranquil setting, away from the harsh reminders of Minnesota's cold and ice.  Even though the Titanic theme song keeps playing in my mind, if I focus on the lyrics, there is comfort and truth ... my heart will go on.

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Amen