My Grief Path is Lined With Flowers

Most of us have experienced awkward comments or the funny-in-a-strange-kind-of-way displays of sympathy.  So many times, support group members roll their eyes and tell stories of 'the things people say'.  Generally we can brush the comments off as well-meant intentions and sometimes, looking back, they really are funny.  But I have one I just can't shake off.

What bothers me most about this one is that it came from my dearest friend, Rita ...  more than once.  I understand where she is coming from, I know she makes a good point and many of you may agree with her.  But, it still bothers me and I think I have figured out why.

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At Kitty's visitation and funeral, there were a lot of flowers.  A LOT of flowers.  I could go back and count from the spreadsheet listing of thank you notes sent, but I'll make a guess that at least 50 or so floral arrangements and plants came from relatives, workplaces, friends, neighbors, even Kitty's doctors, nurses and son-in-law's lawyers. 

The evening of the visitation, I walked into the funeral home and the director approached me holding a vase of vibrant pink roses.  Looking as if he had no place to set them, he said, "There are so many flowers ... and they keep coming."  I'll never forget that.  The floral display growing throughout the room was the most beautiful expression of love and support imaginable.

Before people began filing in, I walked around the room and took pictures of the bouquets and arrangements.  Of course, I lost track as the evening went on - I know I didn't get photos of them all. 

The next day, at church, I saw more deliveries.  The entire wall in the hallway along the back of the church was decked with flowers.  When the wall was full, florists began placing them downstairs in the social hall where we would later have lunch. 

I felt overwhelmed with love.  All of this beauty surrounded us,  like a warm, fragrant, engulfing and comforting embrace.

What Rita said to me, weeks afterwards, went something like this,  'I looked around at all of those flowers and thought, 'ka-ching, ka-ching'.  All of that money could have gone to charities in Kitty's name and been used to do so much good.'

And all I could think was how much the presence and meaning of the flowers meant to our family at the time.

Yes, I know the monetary value was significant and I do realize that the dollars spent would have been well-used as donations.  However, the expression of love from the senders was - and still is - priceless. 

Because I was bothered by my friend's comment, I researched the history of sending remembrance flowers and, among many other facts, learned that it is a sign of support for the family and respect for the deceased.

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Supporting causes, hospitals and charities is awesome and many people also chose, and continue to make donations in Kitty's name, which we all appreciate.  Keeping her memory alive through these gifts benefits the community and supports us as we move along the grief path. 

The start of my path just happened to be lined with flowers ... lots of flowers ... embracing me with a beautiful floral remembrance  of support and respect that I hold dear to my heart.

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