Holiday Task List: Planning Helps Get Through the Grief

Thanksgiving week is here.  On Thursday, we will gather with family and friends to share not only a traditional dinner, but also to give thanks for our blessings.  Your grandchild has died and you're not feeling very grateful.  So, how in the world are you going to get through the day ... much less the next month of holiday celebrations?

In my last post, I briefly touched on presentations I've attended on how to survive the season while grieving.  The one common thread I heard from all of the speakers was this:  plan ahead.  What can we do now that will help ease the stress of upcoming holidays and events?

Begin by identifying which activities or moments you think will be most difficult for you.  Talk about them with your spouse, son, daughter or anyone else who is experiencing your loss.  Ask what they think is going to be hard for them and work together on seasonal plans.  No matter what you, as a family, decide to do - or not to do - this year, there is no way to avoid the pain and sadness of losing your grandchild. But, thinking about and planning for the holidays ahead of time can help minimize stress and lessen the possibility of being caught off guard by difficult situations.

You may also want to discuss what to do about family traditions and consider what will bring joy to the holidays.  Through the sharing of these ideas, you most likely will discover new ways to honor your grandchild.  Yearly, since Kitty died, we have served a meal at Ronald McDonald House in mid-November.  This has become a Thanksgiving tradition.  We are thankful that the house was available during Kitty's hospital stay.  We are even more grateful for her life and for what she brought to our family after her death.  At Christmas time, along with the typical Christmas tree, Mandy also places a small tree in the living room and decorates it with angel ornaments and remembrance items, keeping Kitty present throughout the season.

The most helpful tool I've been handed to help me get through holiday planning is the Holiday Task List'.  I've placed a link here.  This spreadsheet lists several jobs that most of us enjoy doing this time of year and then asks us to examine whether or not each task is something we feel we can handle while doing our grief work.

holiday_task_list.xlsx
File Size:	10 kb
File Type:	xlsx

Download File

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I'm going to leave you with this for today and hope that you have time to look at it, print it out and use it to help prepare for the holidays.  You will probably have your own family traditions to add to the list, too. 

May we be blessed with the strength and support of family, neighbors and friends as we gather to share memories, gratitude and much love over our annual family celebrations. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!