Grief Support Groups - Are They For You?

In the first year after Kitty died, I had no shortage of people with whom to talk.  Opportunities were over the phone with family and friends, over the fence with neighbors and over the internet with Facebook contacts.  Everyone wanted updates on Mandy and son-in-law ... especially after yet another court appearance and the news updates that followed.

When Kitty and her dad weren't much of a story anymore, the curiosity ended and so did the conversations.  My friend, Rita continued her weekly calls to check on me.  My family was there if I wanted to talk, but they were dealing with their own grief.  I wanted and needed to find a new outlet - a different place to mourn with others, more specifically, with other bereaved grandparents.

It's amazing how God gives us what we need at the time we most need it. 

One Sunday, there was a blurb in the church bulletin.  Facilitators to lead small group discussions were needed for a grief coalition.  I knew I could do that!  It was a chance to meet other people who were mourning and possibly I could make a difference by listening to others who needed to talk.

What a blessing this group has become.  After serving one year as a facilitator, I joined the planning committee.  I now have a close circle of friends who know my story, care about me and my family and who are always willing to listen when I'm having a rough day.  

Support groups aren't for everyone and it's not always a good idea to join a group too soon after your loss, but if you're at a point where you desire to talk and to share, it might be something to consider. 

For anyone who isn't familiar with how grief groups work, a speaker typically begins a session.  Topics range from general grief overviews to personal stories of loss to helpful ideas on getting through holidays and milestones ... every presentation is different.  Then there is a short break, followed by small group sharing.   To most benefit participants, small groups are split by type of loss, i.e. those who have lost a spouse, a child, a parent, etc.  One-on-one listeners are often available for anyone not yet ready to move into a group setting. 

Unfortunately, grandparents usually don't have their own group.  They either slip into the 'loss of child' or the 'other losses' table or they request a one-on-one.  We need to change that!  Grandmothers and grandfathers have an unusual grief experience.  We not only mourn for our grandchild, but also grieve for our child.  We have a unique type of grief that other mourners don't fully understand.

I am grateful for the volunteer opportunity that appeared in the church bulletin three years ago.  The speakers I have heard, the sharing of stories by group participants and the relationships gained keep me moving forward.  When you are ready, give a support group a try.  It may or may not be for you, but you won't know until you sit through a presenter and a small group.  

Now that I think about it, I have a committee meeting coming up in a few weeks.  I'm going to strongly encourage setting a separate table for grandparents.  We need and deserve it!

If you live in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, a list of support groups and other resources is available at: www.growingthroughlosstcsouth.com