Good Dinosaur, Bad Grandma? We Can't Protect Our Children and Grandchildren From Unexpected Reminders

Yesterday, I had one of those moments ... an embarrassing, wish-I-hadn't-done-that, feeling-bad-now kind of moments.  Am I an insensitive grandmother?  I most certainly hope not!  But, I sure feel like one today.

My little gift from God, Dasher, loves animals.  She is fascinated by the fish and penguins at the indoor zoo exhibits, by my wary cats who will come running to get treats from her outstretched hand and even by the tiniest ants that flit along our front sidewalk.  But, most of all, she loves dinosaurs.  Her third birthday is planned with a dinosaur theme and Mandy has already ordered a dinosaur Halloween costume.  Green dinosaurs are the best, of course!

One day a few weeks ago, I was doing my weekly shopping at the local big box store and I ran into a good friend.  She was shopping for her grandson's birthday, so after chatting awhile, we started browsing the toy section together.  And, there I came upon THE perfect birthday gift for my little Dasher.  All of the toy dinosaurs and play figures from Disney's "The Good Dinosaur" were on clearance!  Oh my goodness.  Wouldn't my little stinker/sweetie love to play with them?  I snatched up one of each different box.  There are enough pieces for her birthday and for Christmas gifts, too!

Then, I thought that Dasher should probably see the movie so she would recognize the figures, especially Arlo, the big, green, good dinosaur.  So, I picked up a copy on DVD for her to watch one day while I was on babysitting duty.  Not only would she enjoy it, but it would keep her occupied for awhile.

That day was yesterday.  Mandy went back to work after summer break and Dasher, Basher and Belle all came to grandma's house for the day.  It got to be late afternoon and my little people were getting restless, tired and a bit too wild for my liking.  How about a movie?  Grandma got a new one and it should be really good.  Belle wanted nothing to do with watching the animated film. "I don't like dinosaurs!," she complained.  Too bad, I thought.  Dasher needs to just sit for awhile and you both need to slow down your pace.  The disc went into the blueray player.

Mandy had come back from work, so she was wandering in and out of the room.  At one point, everyone was watching the movie and what appeared to be a harmless, charming children's film about finding yourself and making your mark in the world made me feel like the worst grandma ever.

For those of you who haven't seen "The Good Dinosaur", within the first 30 minutes, there is a scene where a storm quickly arises, the raging river overcomes daddy dinosaur and he is swept away to his death.  It all happened so suddenly that Belle let out a loud scream, jumped onto my lap, buried her head in my chest and sobbed. 

Not at all phased by what happened, Dasher innocently looked at her big sister. "it's OK, Belle.  He's a good dinosaur.  It's OK" 

I honestly had no idea that a drowning would be part of the story line.  Never would I have purchased a movie that would mentally or emotionally take Belle - or, for that matter,  Mandy - back to the day when their car plunged into the icy lake and took Kitty's life.  I looked at Mandy.  Obviously, neither of us had ever imagined that Belle's trauma would emerge from watching a Disney film.

Belle doesn't consciously seem to remember the accident.  She knows what happened, we openly talk about Kitty, but Belle was just two years old in January 2013.  Past conversations and ongoing events haven't brought forth any inking of recall ... praise God! 

Mandy phoned this afternoon.  I told her how sorry I am about yesterday's incident.  She insisted that Belle is as much dramatic as she is traumatized.  I know better.  Her reaction to daddy dinosaur floating away under the river current was just that ... an immediate, unplanned, gut-wrenching reaction.

I still feel awful.  But, at the same time, I need to cut myself a little slack.  I understand that reminders are inevitable and that I can't shield Mandy or her children from events that may bring back memories.  They are going to watch TV news stories of drownings and drunk driving deaths.  Cars, snowmobiles and the people in and on them will go through Minnesota lakes every winter.  And, yes, there is an animated movie with daddy dinosaur drowning in a river during a storm.

I know that I cannot protect my children and grandchildren from reminders that arise unexpectedly.  I am not a bad grandma because of a good dinosaur.  But, you can bet that the next time I buy new movie for the kids, I'll watch a preview before popping it in the DVD player for all to see.