Going At Your Own Pace - It's Your Grief Journey

 esday night was the third week of my grief coalition's spring series.  During small group discussion, one of the participants expressed the inability to go through papers left in her deceased husband's dresser drawer.  She just can't bring herself to read them yet.  Other members at the table assured her that it's perfectly OK to wait until she's ready.

It reminded me of the photos I have tucked away.

Just after Kitty died, the chaplain at Children's hospital used my camera to take pictures of Kitty with Mandy, son-in-law and Belle.  Kitty was removed from all of the machines, cleaned up, swaddled in a blanket and photos were taken.

I have all of the images on an SD card in my jewelry box, along with other special cards holding pictures taken on vacations and at my mom's visitation and burial.

Mandy has looked at the family pictures taken with Kitty.  She even used one in a photo book that that tells the brief story of Kitty's life.  Eventually, I want to see them too, but still am unable to muster enough courage and strength.  My husband has no desire to see them at all.

As our discussion continued on Tuesday evening, we also talked about visiting the cemetery.

I am a huge fan of the cemetery.  It brings so much comfort for me to clean Kitty's stone, to decorate with pinwheels, stuffed animals and cute seasonal décor.  I guess it makes me feel like I am doing something special just for her, since I can't spoil her in the same way I do my other grandchildren.

Then there are those who cannot bear even the thought of going near a grave site.  My mom was one of those people.  After my dad died, she went on the first Memorial Day following his death.  In the 23 years she was widowed, she never returned.

Everyone travels their own grief path.  There aren't any signs that tell you which way to turn or how much time it should take you to reach your destination.  Whether or not we make stops to read papers, glance through photos or visit a resting place is a personal choice.

Those papers, pictures and cemeteries aren't going anywhere.  Nor are the closets that need to be cleaned out or the belongings that need to be tossed and donated.  They will all wait for you.