Choosing A Birthday Card For My Grieving Child Just Got Easier

I spent my afternoon boxing, bagging and wrapping gifts, tying them up with satin ribbon for the perfect finishing touch. Tomorrow we head over to Mandy and son-in-law's house for Belle's 6th birthday party.  Yesterday was Mandy's 35th birthday.  Time flies.

Earlier this week, in a 'kind-of, sort-of' related conversation with friends, someone commented that she knew that she and her husband were going to have a "nice baby" by the way she felt physically while pregnant.  Her theory is that you can predict your child's personality by their behavior in the womb. 

Well, of course, I couldn't resist putting that idea to the test.

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I went home and, for quite some time, thought about my own children and my grandchildren, before and after their births.  My friend might be on to something.  I had three relatively easy pregnancies and - I think - three very "nice" children.  But, I believe the theory should be tweaked a bit.  It's not so much the pregnancy itself as the actual birth experience that gives us a clue to our kids' personalities.

When Mandy was born, I barely made it to the hospital in time.  She was in a hurry to get started with her life, full force, head-on, ready to take on the world.  That has never changed.  Always eager to take on new experiences and challenges, Mandy sometimes gets a little impulsive .... for example, when she said 'yes' to son-in-law's marriage proposal. 

There are times I feel selfish - and then guilty - for thinking it, but why couldn't she have planned a longer engagement?  Maybe, if she had recognized and addressed his addiction earlier in their relationship, they could have waited and he might have sobered up sooner. 

She wouldn't have a deceased child and I wouldn't be a bereaved grandmother. 

I love my little grand-people more than anything and I do realize that if my headstrong child had practiced some patience and waited awhile to marry son-in-law, I most likely would not have Belle, the Dasher or the Basher.  I adore them.  I am grateful for them.  And, tomorrow, I will joyfully celebrate Belle and Mandy's birthdays.

It took visiting several stores over a period of a few weeks, but I did find it - an acceptable birthday card for Mandy.  The message is simple, but sincere.  The artwork, delicate and pretty.  As I slipped it into the envelope today, I was not happy to see a very dark, visible smudge of dirt smack on the front of the card.  How did that get there???

Kitty Rose!   Are you giving us a sign?  Do you want us to know that you are with us at your mom's and sister's birthday party and that mommy will be OK if birthday cards from grandma remind her of you?

Today, with a little nudge from above, I realized something very important: despite my careful selection, this year's card wasn't really perfect until Kitty signed it, too.Never would I have thought that buying a birthday card for my daughter would be a difficult task.  But, since Kitty's death, it is one of the hardest things I've had to do every year.  The search for a card with just the right phrasing is not easy.  Most sentiments refer to a mother's love for her child ... to the joy of watching her child grow ... to the 'amazing person you have become'.  How can you even consider expressing that sort of message to your daughter who lost her baby ... who will never watch her child grow to become an amazing toddler, child, tween, teen or adult? 

Nonetheless, birthday time is here.