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Before I tell you about the book I recently added to our resource list, I have a request. There is now a Facebook page for Grandparents Grief and I welcome you to 'Like' the page. Generally, it provides updates when there is a new blog entry, but when I have a small snippet to share, that is where it will be posted.
You can either click the Facebook icon found on the right side of this page beneath the blog category list or go directly to fb and search for Grandparents Grief. Our fb address is: www.facebook.com/grandparentsgrief . Thank you! Now, on to the book:
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 Most of us have experienced awkward comments or the funny-in-a-strange-kind-of-way displays of sympathy. So many times, support group members roll their eyes and tell stories of 'the things people say'. Generally we can brush the comments off as well-meant intentions and sometimes, looking back, they really are funny. But I have one I just can't shake off. What bothers me most about this one is that it came from my dearest friend, Rita ... more than once. I understand where she is coming from, I know she makes a good point and many of you may agree with her. But, it still bothers me and I think I have figured out why.  Today was 'Ribbons of Remembrance', the annual memorial service organized by the staff of Children's Hospital - Minneapolis/St. Paul. I attended the first time in 2013, just four months after Kitty died. It was important to Mandy that our entire family be there.
What a beautifully planned and orchestrated event. There is one question we all wrestle with. It's that big, looming question, 'Why?' Why did this happen to me? ... to my son/daughter ... to my family? ... to our precious grandchild?
In a very cold and realistic sense, it can be answered by the facts of what happened. There was an accident: you gradually learn what happened and piece together the events leading to the death. Your grandchild was ill: you read medical records, speak with caretakers and gather details of his/her condition. Possibly your grandchild was an innocent victim of abuse or of a crime: police reports and witnesses provide answers. But that's not the 'Why?' we grapple with following a death. The time comes in every parents' life, when we realize that our children are adults, are able to make their own decisions and may/may not want or need us to express our opinions and ideas. It may be when they turn 18 or 21 years of age, when they get married, move out of the house or begin a career.
For me, it was after Kitty died. My friend, Rita called today. We haven't talked for a few weeks, so it was a long conversation. Her first question to me is how my family is doing.
Honestly, it's been a rough couple of weeks. In addition to Kitty, I have six biological grandchildren and one bonus step-granddaughter. They range in age from 6 months to 11 years of age. All - aside from the 6-month-old Basher - are very aware of death. We talk about Kitty and that she is now in Heaven. We will not see her again in our lifetimes, but she lives on in our hearts. She is always with us.
My kids and grandchildren all live in Minnesota, specifically in the twin cities metro area, neighboring cities and surrounding communities where we mourn our purple Prince. The first weekend after Prince died, the weather was rainy. I waited until the second weekend to visit Paisley Park. Talking about Kitty helps me feel better. When I am able to express my feelings and thoughts about her and about her death, it releases a little bit of pain … forces it out.
Recently, I read an article about helping your child deal with their loss by listening to them and hearing what they are actually saying. Well, what if your child isn't talking? |
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