Always In Our Hearts

This past weekend was a Kitty Rose weekend for our family: time spent in memory of her and conscious awareness that she is always in our hearts.

​Saturday morning, we joined with 47 other bereaved families for the Children's Hospitals of Minnesota annual remembrance service.  The format of the event never changes, but other aspects are always different: musical selections, readings,  token gifts presented to both children and parents.  This year, I realized that each individual section of the program is led by a different staff member from either the social work or bereavement staff.  No wonder this service is so well done and heartfelt!

The leaders have focused their attention and care on one specific element.  I don't think it's odd that it took me four times experiencing this service to notice ... that's just an example of how grief works.  The first three times, I was either too deep in my grief to think about organization of the program or I was too busy trying to watch Dasher, Basher AND what was happening.

​At Saturday's service, I received not only a more clear awareness of the planning, but also a much appreciated validation of what I believe and profess ... a gift given.

​After an emotional candle lighting ceremony and slide show featuring photos of the children being remembered, we went outdoors for the annual butterfly release.  As Mandy slowly opened our family's envelope and the butterfly emerged, rather than flying upwards, it immediately fluttered over to Mandy's chest ... as if to say, 'Here I am, Mom.  I am always with you in your heart.'  Grandpa was able to capture the photo above as this beautiful Monarch rested on Mandy.

​When the butterfly decided it was time to take flight, the Dasher and the Basher played and chased it around the courtyard until they lost sight.  It was as if they had a brief, but memorable playtime with their older sister.

​Emotional.  Beautiful.  Validating.  Powerful.  Amazing.  

​Early Sunday morning, we participated in the Brighter Days Grief Center's 1st Annual Run/Walk to Remember.  What a lovely day!  Before the runners/walkers left the pavilion, they were encouraged to think of their deceased loved ones with every step they took along the path: to think about their favorite things, to recall stories and memories, to talk with them in the quiet of their hearts.  When the participants returned, we heard from  speakers who also likened the run/walk to taking steps along the grief journey.  I gained a new perspective on walking.  Rather than it being a workout for my body, with every step, it will become an exercise for my heart, mind and soul.

​Throughout the morning, we had additional opportunities to listen to stories of other families who have suffered the loss of a child and also to share Kitty's story.  It was more than half way through the event when it hit me: this was - personally - the crux of the morning.  It was just as much about the tears, hugs, understanding, camaraderie and compassion that flowed among the crowd as it was about the actual walk.

​I was pleasantly surprised when the director of Brighter Days approached me and asked how I am doing.  Although not nearly old enough to be a bereaved grandparent, I could sense that she understands how the grief of grandparents so often waits in the wings.  She was providing me with a few minutes for open expression.  Another gift given!

A second emotional, beautiful, validating, powerful and amazing morning!

​The weekend was certainly filled with memories of Kitty, telling her story and validation of her presence in our hearts and in our lives.  We spent both Saturday and Sunday nurturing our healing and moving forward so that we, in turn, will be strengthened as both listeners and comforters for others.​  ​Soon it will be Memorial Day, another opportunity to spend a day in honor of and mourning loved ones, especially those who served in the armed forces.  I encourage you to find an event to attend where you can share your story, hear of others' losses and find hope on your grief journey.

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