All I Want For Christmas ...

No one asked what I'd like for Christmas this year.  I wasn't asked that question last year or the two previous years, either.  Everyone knows that I can't have what I truly want.  It's impossible to turn back the clock.  Praying to God didn't save her, so there's no way Santa could possibly bring back my little Kitty Rose.  And isn't that the gift all of us would like ... to be with our grandchildren on Christmas Day? 

No, we can't celebrate the holidays with our deceased grandchild, but we can reflect on the gift that child was in our life.  If you've been reading along, you know that I believe God placed Kitty in our family to unite us, to strengthen us, to help her daddy overcome his addiction, become a better father and husband.  Her short life - and this may sound odd, but also her death, though painful - was a great gift. 

Kitty was with us for one Christmas.  She was eight months old, to the day.  And she was the life of the party.  I laugh when I remember lining up the five little girls, all dressed to the hilt, for pictures in front of the tree.  At least four cameras were flashing constantly and not a one of us got the 'perfect' picture because Kitty wouldn't sit still.  She was interested in her twin cousins, seated on either side of her, and in the cameras.  She rolled. She crept.  She played with her dress ... and her cousin's dress.  She reached towards the photographers.  There was no sitting still.  It is one of my favorite - and definitely most cherished - Christmas memories.

I am blessed to have seven other grandchildren who will visit grandma and papa's house on Christmas Day.  When they pose for the traditional 'cousin picture' I'm sure I will think about that one Christmas with Kitty and wonder if, at age four, she would sit nicely or if she'd squirm around and play with the twins' hair or tickle their tummies.  I will imagine Kitty in this year's photo and ask myself how she would look in the mix of what is now eight grandchildren.  I will wish that Santa could safely shuttle her home in his sleigh, but know that's just a fantasy.

Even though no one has asked, there is something I would like for Christmas.  I want to celebrate with my living grands, to recognize and acknowledge the blessings they are - the little miracles they are in my life.  I want to create new memories.  I want love, hugs and laughter and I especially want to celebrate the gift of Kitty Rose.

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